Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Neither he nor I make great decisions. He where Bella is involved. He is constantly being whacked in the face by her, jumped on by her, jumping on her or trying to eat her food - the latter two which result in scolding. And to prove his point, he just this second walked up to her and tried to head butt her (his way of showing affection). It's a case of loving someone that is bad for you.
Me? My stomach. I make bad decisions when it comes to what I eat. If my stomach is hurting, my general response is to just put something else in it, which 9.8 times out of 10 doesn't help and generally makes things worse. It's a lesson I can't seem to learn.
Well, there's my year end reflection for you. Have a happy and safe New Year.
I'm going to watch fabulous drag queens, drink champagne, kiss the spouse and have brunch at 2 am - all while wearing a stylish sequined tank top (thanks, Amanda!) and wonderful silver circle ring (thanks, Sarah!).
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I was inspired by this post HERE by Tattooed Yarn about things she wants to be able to remember about the here and now a year from now. She had a great list and inspired me to write one as well.
- I am grateful for the view from my window - a town covered in snow, the snow gently falling, Bella snuggling in a blanket and Hugo spazzing out with a toy - and the knowledge that I get to sit here all day.
- I am grateful for my job, that I have job security, that I've gotten two raises and two bonuses this year, that I have a team of co-workers that I adore and knowing that the work we do makes a real difference.
- I am grateful for my spouse and that we, over the past year, found our friendship again and that we are now the best of friends who have built a great life together.
- I am grateful for all my friends who fill me with love and laughter.
- I want to remember the chest pains I experienced shoveling snow yesterday because I am so out of shape - at age 31.
- I want this to be the deepest I am ever in debt - about $20,000 in credit card debt - and end next year as close to $0 as possible (and how much pain that figure causes me each time I think about it).
Happy holidays, everyone!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
4 jobs I have had in my life:
- Grant Writer
- Telephone Fundraiser
- Princess Bride
- White Christmas
- Portland (of the OR, not the ME)
- Hamburg, Germany
- Anchorage, Alaska
4 TV Shows that I watch:
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- The Adventures of Pete & Pete
4 places I have been:
- St. Croix, Virgin Islands
- Billings, Montana (most recently)
4 of my favorite foods:
- Soy Mac & Cheese
- Haribo Gummy Bears
- White Cheddar Popcorn
4 places I would rather be right now:
- Buck Island, Caribbean
- In a Yurt, on the Oregon coast
- Spooning Jason (he is too itchy to hold right now)
4 things I am looking forward to this year:
- Sid & Maralea's wedding!
- More of Trio Vintners 2006 Zinfandel
- Visiting H&M in DC
- Electing a new president
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Aren't they divine? But, my feet swell pretty bad in the summer, and to keep the swelling down, I have to wear confining shoes. Oh well. No pedicures or sexy sandals for me. My life is a true hardship.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
31. I'm finally an adult. Here comes middle-age. Welcome middle-age. Parking in back (ha!).
Truly, I am excited. It feels a little weird, to be excited about getting older. But I am. As my dear friend, Amanda, put it, "You're really an adult now." Indeed, I am. And I ain't takin' no crap. Okay, that's not true. But, I've decided since I will be 31 tomorrow, I don't need to go on any trips to the gun store with my dad and uncle who are visiting, which I would have done when I was 30 or younger. No, I've passed into a new realm. I am now 30+. I am an adult. And I love it.
It surprises me that I am so embracing of aging. Well, I'm not fond of my white hairs, but now that I'm 31 (well, almost), I feel they fit. White hairs in your 20s? No way. 30s? OK. Wrinkles, bring them on. I feel now I need them for street cred. Who's going to believe I'm 30+ without some crows feet?
Seriously, I am so excited. I know, I know. It sounds like, "Me think she doth proclaim too much." But, really, I am. I feel like I'm 17. No, 19 years old. But I am very excited to tell people I'm 31.
So, cheers. Raise your glass. Here's to 31. And here's to another 31 years.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
And my life, it has been kicking my a**. Job - out of control busy. Increased meds, taken in the AM instead of the PM. PMS. Fridge died. Gas is insanely expensive. And it keeps snowing. Well, not in town, but in the mountains near by and it's not exactly cold, but not exactly warm. However, the forecasters promise it will be 72 degrees both here in M-F and PDX, where I'm hanging this weekend.
Last week, Jason bought Bella a raw hide bone. Not sure why, because she has steadfastly refused to chew on anything that can't then be swallowed shortly thereafter. She's not a chewer. But, he still bought her this bone. He smeared chicken fat on it in the hopes that would make her a chewer. Instead, she licked it until the fat was gone or unlickable. And despite all this, she does not abandon the bone. Thankfully, she's stopped feeling the need to be with it 24/7. But, in the morning, when we go down for her morning constitutional, she checks to make sure it's still where she left it before venturing outside. She growls at or closely monitors anyone who goes near it, including Jason. When I brought it closer to me, she picked it up and moved it two feet away from my clutches. Right now, she's laying in the middle of the room, the bone tucked near her chin. I just don't get it. And I can't decide if she's being OCD about it and it's making her anxious. Or she truly loves it, like it's her baby. Perhaps, just perhaps, it's not for me to decide.
And that last sentence is a good example of how my therapy session went today. No answers, just many good examples of my neuroses.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Okay, on to dreams...
I had a dream on Saturday that was just fantastic. And quite like the dreams I would have when I slept better. I dreamt that my family (Jason, my parents, cousins, etc.) went on a trip to the South Pacific. We were island hopping and had wound up on a wonderful island for a few days. It was time to go to another island and we were packing. For some reason, we had brought a ton of stuff with us - I'm talking copious amounts of toiletries and paintings to hang on the wall to make where we were staying feel like home. We had only managed to hang a couple and a big pile were just sitting in our room. Our departure time was drawing very close, so I decided to just pack those things I would need to have an enjoyable and light journey. But, I was worried how we were going to get our other stuff packed in time, or if we could come back for it. Part of me wondered if we should even bother. And why the heck we had brought it in the first place. Then, my mom came and suggested we repack the stuff we really didn't need (like the paintings) in one bag, so we wouldn't have to keep unpacking them. But time was running short and I didn't think we'd have time to repack. I kept reminding myself that I had everything I needed in a small bag, ready to go. I woke shortly after that.
Talk about subtext. Obviously, I have a lot of emotional baggage that I carry with me, that is weighing me down, holding me back from having a fun, enjoyable trip through life - from having the kind of life I want to have. Obviously, a part of me wants to let go of this baggage and move on with a much lighter load. Part of me wants to make sure I'm not going to leave something important behind. So, how to lighten the load? Perhaps that too will come to me in a dream.
One last thought - I want this purse so badly.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
The short answer - so far, so good.
The longer answer - I had some minor side-effects, a couple headaches, some nausea, particularly in the morning. My doctor asked if I was pregnant. I can confirm that, indeed, I am not. He asked, mainly I think, because I take the meds at night right before bed, so it's a little strange that I experience the nausea in the morning. But that has since passed.
I've been noticing some mood effects. A general feeling of calmness and less obsessive thoughts and/or less bothered by the obsessive thoughts. However, I've not been feeling this so much this week. I suspect it's due to my over-indulgence at Heather's Oscar Party on Sunday. Apparently, drinking negates the effects of the meds, hence the reoccurence of the anxiety and obsessive thoughts, and that it can take a few days to bounce back. I'm hoping I bounce back soon. I'm missing the way I was feeling last week.
So, that's that. I see my doctor again in late March, but if I don't start bouncing back, that might be sooner. He's started working with me on responding to my obsessive thoughts and finding the root of them, so I can help the meds in getting rid of them. I like him.
And here are a couple of pictures of Jason and I at Heather's party. He went as the Red Carpet, and I got my dress for $7 at Value Village. Check out that mesh back.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
Back to the letter:
Men presidents only
I think that having a woman president would be a bad idea for our country. Women are not meant to rule countries and be in charge. They are meant to make decisions but not confirm them.
Our president deals with some countries that don't respect or allow women in leadership positions. I wonder if the United States would have more terrorist attacks because we would be seen as weak with a woman leader. I agree that women can do many things, but leave the ruling of the countries to the men.
BRITTANY BAYLES, 13, Kennewick
Reading it just makes my stomach hurt.
P.S. I got the letter mentioned on the Feministing blog (click here)!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I too used to be on anti-depressants. I've taken Welbutrin, then went off my meds for three years, then took Zoloft, then went off for a year, then took Cymbalta, which I stopped taking this past May. I've chosen to go off my meds because I wanted to see if I was better -- I was certainly feeling so. And I chose to get back on them because I realized I could not control my condition by sheer willpower. I also went to therapy while on the meds. This time, so far, being off meds is going better. And really, it's day to day -- some days are wonderful, most days are fine and every once in a while, I think about calling a doctor and getting a new prescription. And I recently saw a counselor for a couple sessions to help point me in a healthier direction. I don't want to say I've beaten depression -- I think it will be something I deal with for the rest of my life. For me, I think it's a learned tendency. My mom suffered from depression while I was growing up, and I think I picked up a lot of her behavioral patterns, which I'm now learning to recognize, examine and change. But farther down the road, I may figure out that it's not just behavioral for me, but also brain chemistry, and I'll go gladly back on to meds.
I guess I wanted to share this, not to say that people can or should try to beat depression without medication -- that is not my message at all. I just wanted to share my story -- I think the more we can talk about our mental health issues, the easier it will be for everyone to get the treatment they need or stop treatments they feel they don't need.
After sending this e-mail, I began to wonder - am I just fooling myself? Could my life be better, less of a struggle, if I would just commit to staying on medication? If I could find a doctor willing to work with me to adjust dosage or try different meds? I know I do not want or feel I need to see a therapist full time - that part of the e-mail I am certain about it. But, I've been wondering if my habit of getting off meds is more because I feel weak to be on them. I certainly have the family history of mental illness. It's on both sides of my genetic chain and my step-dad's family had more than it's fair share.
I had an episode soon after that e-mail that told me I needed to reexamine taking medication. I also read this blog posting here (in response to the linked posting above) and decided that I needed to do take positive measures to ensure that...I'm struggling with how to say this...that I do what I can to minimize my craziness that hurts the six beings I live with. Essentially, I decided I need to get over myself so my life and the lives of those I live with are better.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Here's how it works: if you wish, please respond (via comments, cut and paste) if you fall into one or more of the following categories. If you do respond, please provide a brief explanation. Here we go!
You always tip 20 percent at a restaurant
You are addicted to caffeine
You have never dyed your hair
You dye your hair because you don't like your natural color
You dye your hair to cover the grey
You will be rooting for the New England Patriots during the Super Bowl
You will be rooting for an upset by the New York Giants during the Super Bowl
You read your local paper in the morning
You have a library card
You have entered a karaoke contest
You have sung an Eagles song at karaoke
You own your own bowling ball
You are left-handed
You met your current boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife online
You sneak your own snacks or drinks into a movie
You've never liked AC/DC
You will put a presidential candidate's sticker on your car
You already have a presidential candidate's sticker on your car
You have never been to Canada
You have a bumper sticker on your car expressing a political belief or opinion
You have a band's sticker on your car
You don't like The Beatles
You have one leg shorter than the other
You used to have your nose pierced
You have a treadmill at home
You don't know how to drive a car
You live in the city in which you were born
You don't own a television
You have a song as your cell phone greeting (as opposed to ringtone)
You have never voted
You call your mom or dad every day
You fall asleep to music
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Anyway, I spent 20 minutes chasing her around the cat's room and was finally able to throw a blanket over her, pick her up and put her in the carrier. It's a good thing I did - she has some kind of eye infection, potential ear mites and a tooth that needs to come out.
But back to the point of this post - the vet. How I praise his name! He totally got our relationship with Rachel. We love her very much, but we don't push her to do things she doesn't want to because 1) it stresses her out, usually exacerbating whatever issue she's having; and 2) we don't like being scratched and bit. Past vets, when we've explained that we can't apply ointments or force feed pills to Rachel (and Paul, for that matter), have just given us the stink eye and said we had to, that there was no other treatment. And, then, we'd hang our heads in shame, purchase whatever treatment the vet suggested, attempt to apply it once, then throw it out months later - the cat no healthier and we out $50.
The vet yesterday, oh he got it. He started to suggest an ointment for Rachel's eye, then stopped himself and asked: "Are you even going to be able to apply an ointment?" After saying no, he said he could give her a shot of antibiotics which should clear it up, but if not, to bring her in for 2 to 3 days and they'd administer the treatment for us.
Hallelujah! He gets it and is willing to work with us. Yes, we'll pay for it, but it's so worth it to have a healthy, happy cat. I felt so relieved and grateful - grateful that Rachel was going to get the treatments she's been needing and that I didn't feel like a bad parent because I couldn't administer those treatments. And while I'm not looking forward to corralling her to take her back next week to get her teeth worked on, I am looking forward to another positive vet experience.
Just a side note - we are working with Hugo so that he is comfortable with us picking him up, trimming his nails, examining him, etc., so we at least have one cat we can easily take to the vet and treat on our own.
*Well, I did pick Rachel up this one time, got her to about waist height, and we were both so shocked that we froze for a moment and then she leapt (leaped?) away, giving me a good scratch.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The kitties were waiting around to be fed by Jason. And Rachel took advantage of the situation to start smelling Hugo's butt. Paul, ever the jealous one, decided to get in on the butt smelling action, in an attempt to get Rachel to stop paying attention to Hugo. (Note: Rachel loves smelling butt but not having her own butt smelled.) So, for about ten seconds, they formed a Sniff Train.
Curses!!! A moment like that would make up for some, if not all, of their early weekend morning wake-up calls.
Monday, January 14, 2008
When Heather visited us back in early November, she took a bunch of photos, which you can see here (photos 1-43): http://picasaweb.google.com/hbinns/Nov07 Since we all know how notoriously bad Jason and I are about taking pictures, much less posting them, you'll have to make due with these, though not really making due since she takes great pictures. Thanks, Heather!
After viewing the photos, you might be wondering about the picture of the frog dressed as a bank robber/sheriff. Frogs are the mascot of Milton-Freewater (aka Muddy-Frogwater). We have frogs all over town and any self-respecting (and I use that term lightly) business in town has one. They are carved by chainsaw at the annual Muddy-Frogwater festival. Hopefully, Heather will visit this year's festival so you all can see photos of this wacky small town fun.
And you might be wondering about the photos of the grape collecting and me with my foot in a bucket. Yes, Jason had the crazy idea to make wine out of the grapes growing in our back yard - no idea if they were actually wine grapes, but we went for it anyway. We have actually bottled the wine but have yet to taste it. Something went wrong, very wrong, during the fermenting phase, for the wine is a murky salmon pink instead of deep burgundy. Hence, we are a bit fearful of tasting it. I'll keep you posted.
And that's about all the news from M-F. Though, I did fall down this morning while taking Bella for her walk. We were experiencing this lovely weather phenomenon called "freezing fog" and the ground was slick. I fell, tore my work pants (my only clean pair!) and scraped my knee. Thankfully, Jason was with us and he helped me up and dusted me off. He then proceeded to tell me that he was afraid I had fallen on Bella and squished her. Thanks, hon!
Sunday, January 06, 2008