How are you? Okay, I'm stalling. I've been stalling for more than a week - actually for more than 18 months. I'm scared and I don't know why. You've sent me all kinds of goodness - nay, greatness. When I have opened up my life, cleared out the unessential, you have sent me the most wonderful of gifts. Thank you. Maybe this should be a thank you note - my life is tremendous. Thank you.
However, given the past 18 months of my life - career opportunities not working out - I am beginning to suspect that you are sending me a message. That you have something you'd like to give me, if I'd just open up my life, my heart, and let it in.
I guess I'm afraid that I'll fail again. Or I won't like what you send me. Or I don't know what. But I'm afraid. Perhaps what I'm really afraid of is that this it - I do have a great life and I need to accept it as it is, despite wanting more.
But, this past week, you sent me another gift - affordable, part-time day care for the girls at our beloved day care. And it's a win for all parties involved. I am so grateful - thank you.
So, I suspect your bounty is endless and that it's okay to ask for more - the worse you could say is nothing at all.
I love my family dearly (immediate, extended and created), but I want more than just them in my life. I want work that is meaningful beyond my small sphere. I want work that fills me up, serves a purpose in the lives of others, that challenges and inspires me. I want work that allows me ample quality time with my family and doesn't ask me to choose between the two, because the family will always come first.
Truly, that is all I have ever wanted, from the time I was a young girl - a family and work that I love. The family part I've got and will continue to nurture. Now, I ask for the work part.
As my Freewill Astrology horoscope said this week:
In 2012, Taurus... The coming months will be prime time for you to lay the foundations for a worthy project that will captivate your imagination for a long time -- and perhaps even take you decades to complete.
That sounds amazing. Please, send that.
All the love in the universe,