Wednesday, June 29, 2011

More like a Seesaw

So I talked to my doc regarding the whole "happiness as a scab" metaphor. We agreed that one should not be so focused on happiness but emotional equilibrim. Like standing on a seesaw, trying not to tilt too far one way or another, with balancing being the goal.

I did have a rough day Monday, a combo of emotional and mental fatigue, of being exhausted from go-go-going. So, we took the night off from our To Do list and hung out with the girls. Just what we needed.


Friday, June 24, 2011

Happiness is a scab

I pick at scabs, around the edges, checking to see if the wound has healed, won't bleed if the scab is gone.

I keep picking at my happiness, except, in this metaphorical case, I'm expecting blood, trying to find where the injured parts still remain.

I don't trust this happiness, that it's not here for the long haul, that it's not actually real.

In OCD-free moments, I remind myself to just enjoy the happiness, that it probably won't continue unabated forever (nothing can) but that this happiness is proof, too, that the depression/sadness/anxiety also doesn't last forever.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Monday, June 13, 2011

Crying Update

Feeling a little foolish. Amelia cries...'cause she's hungry. She is growing, growing and my boobs just don't get her what she needs sometimes. So, she cries.

Now that we've figured it out, I'm more sympathetic.

We've done a bottle from day 3, and she's had no nipple confusion, so the remedy is a simple one.

And she's finally outgrown her newborn clothes and is rounding out nicely.

Her smiles are like crack they are so addictive; luckily, she gives them readily.

She is becoming something of a night owl.  We love her still.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Kindred Spirit

For a while now, I've been meaning to share a blog with you that I love, love, love: The Crazy Baby Mama.  Yes, another Mommy blogger, but this one's different, I swear. She is an American mom of two living on a kibbutz in Israel. And she's a kindred spirit. Hi Sarah!

Sarah reminds me of my Mommy mentor, Ms. Amanda (aka Lovey). Amanda recently gave me some mad props (see the comments for the previous post). Little does she realize how much watching her parent her two kids has positively influenced my parenting. She's a wonderful mix of loving, strict, silly, no b-s, caring and fun that I strive to be. And though by Thursday, she will live hundreds of miles away, I know she will continue to guide me. Hugs, Lovey.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Win a trip to Paris

The blog, Oh Happy Day, is giving away a trip for two to Paris:

The only reason I'm telling you (thereby possibly increasing my competition) is because it's one of the ways you enter. And I want to win! So stay away from my trip to Paris. I promise, if you do, I'll send you a postcard. Aren't I kind?

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Drunk Baking

Watch "My Drunk Kitchen Ep. 4: Not Easy, Bake Oven" on YouTube

Sheer brilliance. This is exactly how baking goes for me, minus the alcohol. I still mess it up just as badly. Baking makes no kind of logic to my brain. Probably because the margin of error is small. I need a wide margin.

On a related note, dearest Heather got me this book for my birthday: The Flavor Thesaurus

Recipes are not so much my thing. I always feel compelled to make substitutions, tweak, etc. I have a difficult time following directions.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Content & Grounded

My dear friend, Heather, made a wonderful observation about me yesterday: she said that this weekend is the most content and grounded she's ever seen me.

Having known me 9 years, that statement carries some weight, most of all because I feel the truth of it.  There is a solidness in my chest, not a feeling of being weighed down but more like an anchor - secure. Learning a new job and having young kids is keeping me very present, in the moment. And my brain is letting me stay there. It's not seeking that next thing or looking for greener grass. It wants to be here and now, something that hasn't happened in forever.

I thank Heathy for pointing this out because though I am present, I am also sleep-deprived, and making those kinds of observations spontaneously is beyond my current mental capacity.