Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Good Mom

Today, the girls and I are together all day. Today, my mind is in an endless loop of criticism about my mothering. The last couple of weeks, I've been overcome by frustration and run completely out of patience and empathy. Today, so far, I have not. I have felt that burning knot of bile rising in my chest and taken a step back.

Growing up, my mom always told me I could do whatever I put my mind to. Being the perfectionist I am, I thought, well, I should put my mind to being the best, most perfect. I thought I should look like a super model, be valedictorian, etc - if not, then why even bother.

Today's loop has focused on being the best mom. More accurately, on how I'm not being the best mom today and everyday. It's exhausting and demoralizing. I'm trying to stop the thought chain and focus on being a good mom. A good mom loves, plays and cares for; a good mom takes breaks, says she's feeling frustrated and let's the kiddos safely play on their own, including watching TV (I still really struggle with that last one and the guilt that comes with it).

I want the absolute best for my girls, and I often feel like I am not that. But, then, I see them be loving to others, laughing, exploring and feel I, along with many others, must be doing something right.

Sigh. It's so turbulent in my chest, such a big battle waging. A seemingly futile battle that I need to just walk away from and find the joy and peace waiting for me.

This I think is what the universe is sending me. This time is my own personal purgatory. How I handle this time will either send me to a better place or a worse place. The hardest thing to accept is that the choice is mine. Much is outside of my control but not this.

Friday, January 27, 2012

The A Team 01.27.11

+ loves making the "wahwahwah" sound (hand hitting open mouth)
+ is *this* close to crawling - I swear, any minute it will happen
+ weighs 19 lbs and is 29 in long
+ likes to play with books
+ wants to feed herself, unless it's yogurt
+ has so much hair, I swear it grows a half inch a day

+ has a new bed time of 9:30 pm* 
+ loves dolphins
+ prefers painting with a brush
+ likes fresh spinach leaves
+ says "take care" or "have a good day" when she's saying goodbye

*after fighting it for three weeks, we finally acknowledged that Aggie is not ready to go to bed at 8pm. Sigh. I'll start taking naps and Jason and I will start trying to squeeze in couple time at other times of the day.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Mac Attack!


No, not one of those.  One of these:

Oh yeah.

Test driving it now. Vroom vroom.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Art Au Naturale

Similar to last week, I have culled a collection of art links, this week's focus being art made from Nature. Enjoy!