Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Desperately Seeking a Friend

I've been in Walla2 for four years now and I've yet to make a friend, a real friend. I have met many fabulous people and enjoyed their company. But I haven't met anyone I can just call up and invite somewhere on a moments notice or ask for favors and vice versa. I've gotten close a couple times but nothing's stuck. And I'm sad and lonely.  Jason's in the same boat.  Though someone I know moved here 6 mos ago and has friends galore. I just don't get it. I've invited, accepted invites, done the networking thing...nada. Is it me?  I've made friends in the last 4 years, just not locally. What gives?

Frustrated and sad, but not ready to give up hope. A chum has to be out there, right?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Wanting the win

You've heard the adage that the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions expecting different results.  So, by that definition, I am insane.

For a few weeks, we had come up with a good bed time routine for the Agster.  Then, it stopped working.  She pulls out every excuse in the universe to get out of going to bed - potty, water, owie - very "Go the F*** to Sleep" (but I have resisted saying that to her - kudos por moi).

Instead of trying to find the new things that work, I keep doing the old things that worked again and again, hoping beyond reasonable hope that she just needs reminding of the old routine and then she'll go back to it.

And, I want to win.  I want to triumph over the devious, stubborn toddler and have her fall asleep using the techniques I have deemed "The Routine."  I want to feel victorious at having tamed the wild, non-sleeping beast with my proven tactics.

Needless to say, I got very frustrated Sunday night (and did not win).  And it was Jason who finally got her to bed after more than an hour of my insanity.

I will give myself another kudo - I never raised my voice or lost my temper with her (though I sure let Jason know exactly what I was thinking).  That is a huge feat for me - which I'm both proud and ashamed of.  Proud that I was able to stay in control; ashamed that it's something to celebrate and not a given.

Not sure where we go from here, though we'll find our way because we always do.  The first step I took was not putting her to bed last night.  I may go the same route tonight.  And then a big heaping spoonful of patience and good size serving of humble pie.  Good thing both are available in limitless supply.

Friday, September 09, 2011

My Baby

My first time away from this sweetie. A little bittersweet.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Friday, September 02, 2011

White Whine

Have you heard of this?  I just learned about it via Gin & TacosWhite Whine is a web site that chronicles white Americans complaining about first world problems, i.e., the maid called in sick, or I couldn't get the color Escalade I wanted, etc.

Love it!  And here's why - it's reminding me that I've got it pretty awesome.  This morning, in the wee hours, I got up to make Mimi a bottle.  I don't have an easy to see clock in my bedroom, so as I'm tromping to the kitchen, I think to myself, "It better not be 10 min. before my alarm is supposed to go off - that is the worst."  And I caught myself and acknowledged that would not be the worse - I have a healthy baby, a home, running water, clean bottles and fresh formula.  So, actually, not so bad.  And, just now, I was about to complain about a boring project I'm working on, then I reminded myself that I sit at a nice desk, doing very easy work and get paid decently to do it.  And now, I'm feeling really good about my situation.  So, it's not an exercise in beating myself up, but reminding myself how good life is.

Also, funds have been tight for Team D lately.  I keep thinking, "we have no money."  But I try to correct myself and think, "I have money but I'm not willing to spend it on such and such."  We have savings and spending money, but just not so much that I can mindlessly spend, which I think is a good thing. 

Just trying to respin thought patterns so I'm seeing my life as abundant rather than lacking.

Happy Friday!