Friday, December 23, 2011

Dear Universe,

*Note: this is something I've been meaning to do, write a letter to the Universe, and thought I'd share it with you all. In case you don't know, last week I rejoined the ranks of the unemployed. So, it's time for a little soul searching or universe searching in this case. I'm a big believer that if you make room in your life, the universe will send what you need/what you were meant to have your way. It holds true for me - it's how Jason, Aggie and Mimi all came in to my life. So, without further ado...

Dear Universe,

How are you?  Okay, I'm stalling.  I've been stalling for more than a week - actually for more than 18 months.  I'm scared and I don't know why.  You've sent me all kinds of goodness - nay, greatness.  When I have opened up my life, cleared out the unessential, you have sent me the most wonderful of gifts.  Thank you.  Maybe this should be a thank you note - my life is tremendous.  Thank you.

However, given the past 18 months of my life - career opportunities not working out - I am beginning to suspect that you are sending me a message.  That you have something you'd like to give me, if I'd just open up my life, my heart, and let it in.

I guess I'm afraid that I'll fail again.  Or I won't like what you send me.  Or I don't know what.  But I'm afraid.  Perhaps what I'm really afraid of is that this it - I do have a great life and I need to accept it as it is, despite wanting more.

But, this past week, you sent me another gift - affordable, part-time day care for the girls at our beloved day care.  And it's a win for all parties involved.  I am so grateful - thank you.

So, I suspect your bounty is endless and that it's okay to ask for more - the worse you could say is nothing at all.

I love my family dearly (immediate, extended and created), but I want more than just them in my life.  I want work that is meaningful beyond my small sphere.  I want work that fills me up, serves a purpose in the lives of others, that challenges and inspires me.  I want work that allows me ample quality time with my family and doesn't ask me to choose between the two, because the family will always come first.

Truly, that is all I have ever wanted, from the time I was a young girl - a family and work that I love.  The family part I've got and will continue to nurture.  Now, I ask for the work part.

As my Freewill Astrology horoscope said this week:

In 2012, Taurus... The coming months will be prime time for you to lay the foundations for a worthy project that will captivate your imagination for a long time -- and perhaps even take you decades to complete.

That sounds amazing.  Please, send that.

Thank you.

All the love in the universe,


Friday, December 09, 2011

Monday, December 05, 2011

Liebste Iris,

Wir wunschen Dir ein schoes Geburtstag.  Viel Glueck, Spass und Gesund zum nachstem Jahr.


Cora, Jason, Aggie & Mimi

Friday, December 02, 2011


From the title, you may have guessed - things are going so much better!  Wheeeeeeeeeee!  I am a tad giddy.

The happiness feels a touch fragile.  I note this only in hopes of reminding myself that should something troubling come up that my happiness wasn't a fluke or a lie, just on ground that has not yet hardened.

And to learn from my current state - for it's my opinion I should learn from the positive and the negative - here's what I think is contributing to it:
  • Mimi has been sleeping through the night; hence, so have I - at least two nights this week!
  • I'm back on my protein and veggie diet, which seems to help me have more stable moods and energy.
  • I've taken time to relax each evening after the girls go to bed and before I go to bed (mainly by watching Clean House - love that show!).
  • Someone is out on vacation for this week (and next!).
  • I had a lovely, relaxing weekend with Aunty Ruu (thanks, Aunty Ruu!).
  • When my anger has flared, 85% of the time I've remembered to breathe deeply.
  • The girls have been so super cute and fun.
  • The weather hasn't been too cold and it's been sunny.
  • I've found a ton of new blogs to read.
  • I'm reading The Happiness Project and found a kindred spirit in the author.
  • I'm trying not to apologize for little things.
  • I made another friend date for Sunday, and my house will be full on friends on Saturday for Mandarin Day (Observed) party.
About the girls - Mimi's top two front teeth are coming in and they're so cute!  And Aggie has started speaking in full sentences occassionally.  Generally when chocolate milk is involved.  Last night, she asked, "Hey! What happened to the chocolate milk?" (actually sounded like: "Hey! Dawt apen doklet nilk?")  I replied, "That's right!  I'll go make some."  "Awesome!"  The cuteness made me fall over.

I also made a big break through on the walk to the car the other night.  I struggle when people are upset with me.  I work very hard, mentally, to figure out how to change that.  I remind myself that people have a right to their feelings, but that's not the real issue.  The real issue is I need to be okay that they are upset with me - that I struggle with.  That slight shift in perspective shot straight to my core and I realized that is where the issue lies.  I need to learn to be okay that people are mad at or unhappy with or sad about (etc.) me.  That I don't actually have to care or change that feeling, but I do have to live with it. 

Happy Day!