I & TMI

Since deciding to share my blog with my friends and the Internet, I've had a couple people close to me comment that they were - well, surprised is not the right word, but it will have to do for now - with some of the things I've shared, commenting that they could never be so brave or open. And I feel the need to comment on their reaction. To be honest, I don't really think about it. I worry far more about inadvertently revealing someone else's secrets or tidbit they'd rather others not know. The only thing I regret just a tiny bit is sharing my mother's diagnosis - that's really something she should choose to share with others. I don't think she'd freak if she knew I'd posted it, but, in hindsight, I wish I had omitted that info.

Other than that, I don't regret anything I've shared. The intention of this blog was to help me get to know myself. To have a space where I could be open about who I am because I don't feel safe doing that many places, and I want to build my courage to be who I am.

So, having said that, I'm going to share a few things, divided into two categories: info (I) and too much info (TMI).

I:

• I am a racist - I make prejudgements about people based on their skin color and accents. I try not to do this or act upon those prejudgements. I also think many people are racist. But I feel, as a Caucasian American, it's important to be up front about these things and to own up to it and be open about how I'm working out my racist tendencies.
• I'm also ageist (both young and old), sexist, gayist (I'm not afraid of gay people, but I do make prejudgements on whether people are gay or not) and probably many other -ists. I'm trying to work on these too.
• Sometimes, I wish my cats would just leave me alone. One of those times would be right now.
• I'm still angry with my mother, and I secretly enjoy it when I know I'm hurting her.
• I made the choice to try to please my parents - they didn't force me to.
• I have wondered if my marriage was a mistake, though, thankfully, today is not one of those days.
• I talk about people behind their backs and don't think that's a bad thing, unless I'm spreading gossip.
• I am incredibly lazy and a prolific procrastinator.
• I have knowingly and willingly committed a crime, and my conscience is not troubled. And I don't mean jaywalking. It troubles me a little that I'm not troubled or wracked with guilt. I am not willing to discuss this any further or in greater detail.

TMI (fair warning: you might want to skip this section):

• I am a nose picker - I like a clean nostril. I don't always employ a tissue. Sometimes I swallow.
• Last week, I ate an entire tub of frosting in one sitting.
• Rarely can I resist the temptation to smell an awful smell (i.e., farts), especially if someone tells me to smell it. And I generally enjoy doing so.
• One of my favorite "bad" smells is skunk scent.
• I like picking my cat's eye boogers out of his eyes.
• I fart a lot and generally don't say "excuse me," especially if they are the silent type.
• I ate many a raw hot dog growing up.
• I have a very hard (i.e., impossible) time saying no to sweets.
• I currently weigh 200 lbs.
• I snore and grind my teeth in my sleep, and occasionally speak, sometimes in German.
• I love popping J's pimples and my own.

Well, that's all I can think of tonight. Feels good to have these secrets out and about. Do what you will with this info.