Fortune

Jason and I ordered Chinese food the other night, and this was the fortune in my cookie:

"Your dearest dream is about to come true."

So very, very true.

While it's getting physically harder to be pregnant, I'm really enjoying this part of the pregnancy - I feel like I have a wonderful surprise waiting for me and, for once, I'm savoring the surprise. I'm very excited to meet this person - I wonder what she'll be like and who she'll become and am relishing the challenge of trying to let her do just that while meeting her needs and giving her guidance.

I've always like the quote about how becoming a parent means you live with your heart walking around outside your body. But I realize now that I already do that - my heart lives in all the people love - she'll just have a bigger chunk than most.

This week, I've finally gotten the weepiness most pregnant ladies get and have cried several times. And I'm about to do it again. I want to thank all of you who've been so supportive throughout this period in my life - giving me encouragement, advice and lots of love. Even if it was just via the internet, it has meant so very much to me. Thank you.

Confession

You probably don't remember this post (from March 2007), but I do and it's been weighing on my mind a little. It's time to come clean -

When we take Bella to the park, we let her run around, leash-less.

We let Bella out into the yard without a tether and no supervision (and no fence).

Yes, we've become "one of those people" I was railing against, all those many months ago.

I won't even try to justify it - but do feel the need to add that we do take a leash with us to the park, practice heal-ing and pick up all her poops.

There. My conscience feels a little lighter.

6 weeks!

Big shout out to my parents for putting together the baby's room. Oh man, they assembled the crib, making their own dowels so it would go together and could still be used as a toddler bed one day, hung the ceiling fan, created a mobile and sorted through mountains of clothing. I helped, but I also napped while they worked, went to the hardware store and bought lunch. They're amazing. Pics of the room are HERE.

And another amazing thing about the room? The only things we've purchased specifically for the room are the plant and pot, the pad on the rocking chair and the ABC poster and frame. Everything else was either donated, gifted or repurposed. I'm so proud. And very grateful for the gifts and donations - thank you!

And Rachel (the cat) has decided to sleep in the crib. It's so cute - she curls up on the pee mat (the mat designed to absorb diaper leakage). Please, no lectures about the dangers of cats and babies - once a screamer/flailer is sleeping in there, she'll steer clear.

Jason and I visited the hospital today, filling out all the paper work and taking the tour. I cried after the visit because it was all so overwhelming (though the hospital staff were super awesome). I'm facing a big task that I can't really prepare for or anticipate or control and that makes me anxious. I am trying to be honest about my fears and anxiety, so they don't erupt during delivery. I'm also reading Birthing From Within and that's helping too - I thought it was a major hippy-dippy book, but a friend told me to skip the art projects, women's circles chapters (great for some, just not me) and get to the good stuff and she was right.

So, perhaps you noticed the time on this post. Well, I was lying awake, thinking about work (not even about my to-do list, just random stuff), so I decided to get up and read for a while. Then I had the flash of genius to eat a small bowl of ice cream. Let me tell you, a bowl of sugar doesn't help one get over the inability to sleep so well. My brain isn't producing the logic so much today.

On a sad note, my great aunt passed away last week (the one living with my grandmother in the assisted living facility). She died in her sleep. My grandma seems to be doing pretty well. She decided to stay in the facility (hallelujah!) and moved into a studio. I miss my aunt, but I don't really feel sad - she lived a good life, was a great woman and died peacefully, knowing she was loved.

7 to go!

I think our nesting instincts are starting to kick in. I washed more of her clothes and blankets and bought everything on our "Need to Have" list. Jason cut down all the trees that lined our deck, spread the beauty bark hiding under them, trimmed the rose bushes and put up the floor trim in the baby's room. This weekend, I plan to work with my parents on setting up and decorating her room. And clean out the hall closets, so we have space for her stuff. And if I thought we'd have time, I'd paint the ceiling in the kitchen too.

I've been suffering from some nausea for the past couple of days - not sure if it's a stomach bug (thanks, Victoria) or late onset morning sickness. Saw the doctor last Friday and baby is doing great. When she moves now, you can see it from the outside - things are a wee bit cramped in there. So far, she's only tried a couple times to move into my rib cage area.

I got my maternity leave hammered out yesterday. Starting Sept. 14, I'll work 2 days a week from home until she arrives, then I'll have 60 days off. After that, I'll go back to work for 60 days part-time (3 days a week) and then we'll see from there. And during all this time, my benefits are paid in full (thank goodness). I think it's a pretty good arrangement. I always wanted to take 6 months off, but we just can't afford that.

So, one of the pets found our pile of cloth diapers and decided to test them out for us. They worked like a charm, and cleaned up really well. We can't decide if it was because the diapers might still have had the scent of urine on them or that one of them figured out we'll be bringing home a new member of the family soon and decided to protest. Kudos to them, though, they didn't pee on the piles of baby clothes next to the diapers.

8 to go

Time is going by so fast! We've now gotten most of what we need to bring her home and will get the rest this weekend. I have this irrational belief that if I'm ready for her now, she'll come on time; if I'm not, she'll come early.

I saw my doc again on Friday and she prescribed me another round of antibiotics to clear up the last of my lung issues and it's working. So, no more coughing and no more husky, 3 pack a day smoker voice. I still have some ribs giving me issues. My doc said that the ribs are made of bone and cartilage and where those two meet is where they expand during pregnancy - so, essentially I'm experiencing growing pains. I don't recall growing (during my youth) hurting quite this much, but it's not constant and it's slowly getting better.

Stretch marks! I finally got some, mainly around my belly button and underneath my belly. I've been applying Vitamin E oil. I don't mind them so much.

Unrelated note - we got my grandmother and great aunt's things moved into their new apartment and they move in tomorrow. Grandma's struggling a bit, but who wouldn't - she's been in her house for 45 years. And they can have dogs at their new place, so Bella can still come and visit - those ladies love them some Bella.

Marriage is gay

Marriage is gay

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My question - if marriage is a holy or sanctified institution - where does my marriage to Jason fit in? Those of you at our wedding (and sober enough to remember it) may recall we did not invoke God (just Spiritual Warrior Sam), nor did we make any vows.

9 to go

We're in single digits now, folks! Which is not as frightening as I thought it would be, despite still having much to do. Well, the only thing we really need to do in order to bring her home from the hospital is buy and install a car seat. The rest is just icing.

I saw my baby doc last Friday - baby is doing great, with a strong heart beat and my stomach has the right measurements, so we assume she's growing well too.

The doc was very concerned about my cough and thought I had a lung infection, so she put my on antibiotics (my third round since getting pregnant) and it has cleared most of it up - hallelujah! I see my regular doc today in the hopes she can help get the last bit cleared up.

So, we are up to our eyeballs in baby clothes (much of it pink - yech). Jason's coworker brought him three garbage bags of baby clothes yesterday. Seriously, we have so much clothing, we could dress her in an outfit once and then just throw it away (we won't do that, though). Once we have a dresser, we'll sort through the stuff and give away some of the bounty (though not any of the super cute things we got at our showers).

On a non-baby related note, Jason and I are headed to Lewiston this weekend to help move my grandma and my great aunt into assisted living. They'll be sharing an apartment. Again I say, hallelujah! Fingers crossed that it works out and they stay, at least through the winter.