Squeeze

I read this on Freewill Astrology today (for Taurus):

In what areas of your life are you trying too hard? How might you be undoing your good intentions by grasping them so tightly that you've squeezed out all the juice? In what ways are you so boxed in by habitual thoughts that you're not spontaneous any more? It's a perfect moment to fix these problems, Taurus. To begin getting yourself in the mood, relax every muscle in your body -- especially your achy-breaky desire muscles -- and half-sing, half-shout an exuberant "YO!"

Um, when do I not try too hard? That is the story of my life. I try so f*cking hard, never really paying attention to see if all my effort is actually paying off. I was raised (as I think many Americans were) to believe that if I just worked hard enough, all would work out. But we were never taught to pay attention to our actions, to reconsider our actions, to relax and let things happen.

I have such a hard time trusting that if I let go of something I've managed to get a hold of, that it will stay. What's the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be yours, it will come back." But what if it doesn't come back? I want what I want because I want it. And I want to make it happen.

Struggle, struggle, struggle.

Other things I'm struggling with -- turning my puddles of patience into kiddie pools of patience (I almost wrote lakes of patience, but I think that's a bit too ambitious and setting myself up for failure). And not letting my job, my wonderful, challenging job, take over my life and start to resent it.

Now I just want to lay down, and I've only just started the day.

Pics for you -- J is giving the big thumbs up to a young friend of ours who just got his very first e-mail address. Rites of passage these days, I tell ya. But, really, our young friend is a great e-mail writer.