Tuesday, May 05, 2009

18 Weeks = 5 Months

I love pregnancy math - it's kind of like new math.  You used to think 20 weeks was 5 months, but no, in pregnancy it's 18.

So, still getting over my cold which might be allergies.  Or not.  Lots and lots of coughing.  So tired of the coughing.  At least snot has stopped coming out my eye.  Yes, you read that right, and yes, that's really gross.  But what the hey?!?  Snot.  Out of my eye.  As you can guess, I have not focused much on the fact that a being the size of a watermelon will be coming out of my cervix five months from now.  Right now, the snot out of my eye is all I can handle.

Other than that, been feeling all right.  Sometimes my lower abdomen gets a little sore.  Still haven't felt the baby move - or I have but thought it was gas.  Thankfully, the massive gas attacks have held off while I've been dealing with my coughing and sneezing.  My body can be nice like that.

I had a great birthday celebration this past weekend.  My dear friends, Heather, Sarah, Maralea and Sid, came to visit, bringing with them a delicious Vegan cake that I am still eating on.  Oh yes, and they brought their sparkling personalities and much patience for my crabby, snotty, coughing self.  And Jason was a trooper, picking up the slack when I felt like absolute crap.

It's still two weeks until the Ultrasound and I'm anxious.  Not because I'm dying to find out the sex, but because I want to make sure the baby is still in there.  Where it would have gone without me knowing, I don't know.  But I'm a worrier, so I worry.  It's a lot of pressure, carrying a baby.  So far, the baby seems to be doing just fine on it's own and so is my body, without much assistance from my mental self.  But I have a hard time trusting that.  I wish I could have an Ultrasound once a week, though that would probably just make me want one once a day.  Can you imagine after the child's born?  It's a lot to take in.  

Plus, I just finished reading Heather Armstrong's (aka dooce) new book, It Sucked & Then I Cried (thanks, Heathy!).  It's about how she got pregnant and started in a down word, depressive spiral (is there an upward moving depressive spiral?) and how she rose out of it again.  Great book.  But, I could see myself in the descriptions of her depression and I'm scared. I really don't want to go back to my dark place - with or without a baby, but especially not with a baby.  I am still taking my meds, though sometimes my hormones override them.  I have a great doctor I can call anytime.  I'm just afraid.  Last week, while prepping the house for our guests, I started down the OCD road and didn't realize it at first.  Once I did realize it, I turned myself around and got off that path.  Which is great.  Yay for me!  I guess I'd just hoped that path had been erased and was no longer an option.  I just hope I can keep realizing it before I tumble over the cliff.

Okay, enough navel gazing - which is getting easier with each passing week of pregnancy.  I'm off to read and to try not to cough.

Thanks for reading.    


amandaw said...

I'm sorry you are not feeling well:( I'm glad you had a good time with PDX pals! You bout half way there lady!! And I'm sure as cute as ever.

Hilleri said...

Hey Cora,
Hope you feel better soon! I am glad to hear you had a fabulous birthday :)
Like you I have felt anxious these past few months. For some reason I always go in to each appointment expecting something to be off. I think it might have to do with my problems during the early months. I haven't felt the baby move yet and hope I can tell when it does. Our big appointment is on Monday and we are both looking forward to finding out the sex. I also have a regular appointment this Friday and I am looking forward to hearing the heartbeat again :)
Have a great rest of the week!
~ Hilleri

heathre said...

it was so great to see you honey - and you were a total trooper even though you felt like crap :)

love you! (and you know you can call, text, email anytime you need to talk.) xoxox

carmen said...

Happy halfway point. I was also very unsure of my first pregnancy and the ultrasound was very reassuring.

The post-partum period for me was difficult with Jove and wonderful with Miranda. I had very different birth experiences (one cesarean, one vaginal birth), different work expectations and nursing success. It is hard to know what to expect before you have kids.
I suggest finding other expectant moms or women with new babies to hang out with when the baby comes, maybe a new mother's discussion group or la leche league. Also, be easy on yourself and have a plan if things are too hard.

You can call me anytime about anything.