Dreams

First, a quick update - my grandma got out of the hospital on Tuesday and is doing great. I am taking care of her until Sunday. Her confusion and memory issues have all but vanished. She's getting around quite well and has good spirits. And is very appreciative that I am here. Not that I need her to be (or that she should be), but it is nice to know that what I am doing is helpful and wanted.

Okay, on to dreams...

I had a dream on Saturday that was just fantastic. And quite like the dreams I would have when I slept better. I dreamt that my family (Jason, my parents, cousins, etc.) went on a trip to the South Pacific. We were island hopping and had wound up on a wonderful island for a few days. It was time to go to another island and we were packing. For some reason, we had brought a ton of stuff with us - I'm talking copious amounts of toiletries and paintings to hang on the wall to make where we were staying feel like home. We had only managed to hang a couple and a big pile were just sitting in our room. Our departure time was drawing very close, so I decided to just pack those things I would need to have an enjoyable and light journey. But, I was worried how we were going to get our other stuff packed in time, or if we could come back for it. Part of me wondered if we should even bother. And why the heck we had brought it in the first place. Then, my mom came and suggested we repack the stuff we really didn't need (like the paintings) in one bag, so we wouldn't have to keep unpacking them. But time was running short and I didn't think we'd have time to repack. I kept reminding myself that I had everything I needed in a small bag, ready to go. I woke shortly after that.

Talk about subtext. Obviously, I have a lot of emotional baggage that I carry with me, that is weighing me down, holding me back from having a fun, enjoyable trip through life - from having the kind of life I want to have. Obviously, a part of me wants to let go of this baggage and move on with a much lighter load. Part of me wants to make sure I'm not going to leave something important behind. So, how to lighten the load? Perhaps that too will come to me in a dream.


One last thought - I want this purse so badly.

New Hair

Here's my new 'do, taken yesterday morning, just before leaving for work.  By the afternoon, it's flat and drab.  But, in the mornings, super cute.

And this is a photo from Sunday's financial and taxes extravaganza!  We did our taxes, sorted through our financial docs, drank and danced.  The day was capped off by spending the evening watching Aladdin and The Little Mermaid (which Jason brought to the marriage) and singing along.

Thinking About Books

I just started reading a book that has blown me away.  I'm only 40 some odd pages into it, but I am totally digging it.  I find these sorts of books rare, where I just fall in and don't want to stop reading.  That used to happen a lot when I was a kid.  My mom would get mad, well, frustrated really, because she'd buy me a new book and 3 hours later I'd have it finished.  I still remember the first book I didn't want to finish because I didn't like it.  I thought perhaps something was wrong with me.  A book I didn't like?!?  Over time, I've grown more picky, so that happens more often.  Now, I get miffed at the author and editor and book company, though this is just as ridiculous as getting mad at myself. 

 

My lovely, wonderful friend, Iris, from Germany, is coming to visit in May.  She's an avid reader and likes to read books in English to keep up on her language skills.  So, I've been pulling together a list of books for her.  Here's what I've got so far:

People of the Book is the one I'm raving about above.

Any others you would recommend?  She's pretty open to genre, time period, etc.

My Grandma

That's her, in the middle, between Jason and I (my parents are behind us).  She lives in Lewiston, ID, about 2+ hours from M-F.  She's technically my step-grandmother, but she's never made me feel anything but loved.  

Lately, her mind has begun to slip.  Little things, like sending Jason two birthday cards with two checks on the same day.  Forgetting how to play card games, or mentally switching games in the middle of a hand.  

She went into the hospital Tuesday to have one of her knees replaced for the second time.  I went to visit her today.  The drugs and pain and likely lack of decent sleep are making her mind slippage worse.  Several times I had to remind her that she wasn't going home tonight.  That we didn't need to pack her suitcase.  That she hadn't been home yesterday.  Nothing major.  But it worries me.  I worry her mind won't go back, that she'll just continue to get worse.  And it makes me sad, sad that she's confused and is embarrassed when she realizes she's confused.  That's the worst part.

It's also hard because of my grandma's sister-in-law, Betty.  Betty's about the same age as my grandma and sharp.  Her body's a bit broken and sore, but her mind is in great shape.  It's hard seeing the two of them together, comparing how my grandma could be.  Without Betty there, I might just chalk my grandma's slipping up to old age and not worry quite as much.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad Betty is around and as mentally competent as she is (and a good driver).  I just wish it was also so for my grandma.

I'll go visit my grandma next weekend for Easter and hopefully, she'll be a bit better.  And not quite so anxious to get home, though I think that's hoping for too much.

Occasionally, I'm callous and strange*

This lovely feline is Hugo (or as I like to call him, when not cursing his name, Snugo = Snuggly+Hugo).  The photo was taken by the lovely Maggie.  Though, it does not capture his "lips," the pink skin that shows through his fur around his mouth.  You can see more Hugo pics and some M-F pics here.  Thanks, Heather!

So, you're probably now looking at the picture and then back to the title of the post and wondering, "What has she done to that devilishly handsome cat?"  No, no, it's not about anything I do to Hugo; it's something I do for him.  

You see, Hugo loves spiders.  Perhaps love is the wrong word, since he doesn't cuddle them or share his food with them.  He eats them, after he's chased them around a while, batted at them, put them in his mouth and spit them out a few times.  If he spots one walking across the ceiling or the wall, he'll start "talking" to them and pacing back and forth.

And that's where I come in, all callous and strange.  In the past, with spiders, I would make a pact with them - you stay over there, I'll stay over here and all's good.  Or if that just wasn't going to work, I'd get Jason (I'm not ashamed to admit this) to take them outside.  Every time I saw one, I would recall an interview with the Dalai Lama, when asked about his regrets, he said he regretted all the insects he had accidentally stepped on or swallowed throughout his life.  I was trying to do my part for the insect world.

But since getting Hugo, I (all by my brave self) have been getting the spiders down off the walls and ceilings and handing them over to him.  All in the name of love for my Snugo.  Yes, it's cruel.  Yes, it's a 180 from my previous practices.  And I feel a little guilt.  But I love making Hugo happy.  

I wonder to what lengths my love for my children will drive me?

I will also confess that I love eating lamb.  Yes, those cute, wooly, prancing lambs.  They are delicious.  And I don't feel a smidge of guilt about that, which I find a little curious.  Maggie said it's the one thing she doesn't like about me.  I think I can live with that.  For now at least.

*Quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 3, episode 13, "The Zeppo," said by Willow.  Told you I was a Buffy geek.