Chchchchchanges

So, it's also been an epic month for me.  As many of you know, I lost my job.  It was dramatic and sad and not unexpected and sudden.  I don't really feel like going into the details of it all again.  It's been 2 and a half weeks since it happened, and I'm focused on moving on.  One, because I have a tendency to dwell on things (thank you, OCD) and make myself and those around me miserable.  Two, so far, the change has been a good thing and I want it to keep being a good thing.  Three, summer is arriving, with all it's sun, warmth and blossoms - I just don't have the motivation to be bitter.

So far, I've applied for 22 jobs.  I had an interview yesterday.  I'm collecting unemployment.  J and I are trying to figure out how to make ends meet - a tricky but not impossible task.

I'm also trying to just enjoy.  Because, again, I'm funemployed (as I try to refer to it) during the best time of the year!  Plus, I can stay in my pjs all day, if I want.  I can watch endless hours of Bones, go for long walks with Bella, make coasters and read.  What I haven't done is pulled Aggie out of daycare.  One, she loves, loves, loves it.  Two, I am not a stay at home mom - it's not part of my biological make-up.  Three, finding infant care is difficult, so if we give up our spot and I then get a job, we'll be in a bind.  Four, honestly, I dread spending all day, every day with my child.  A couple days a week, not back to back, plus the weekend - doable.  Anything more, Aggie and I might both develop twitches.

Can you tell I'm a wee bit defensive about this?  I am because I've been asked about it.  And I know there are many moms who would love to be in my position to have so much time to spend with their babies.  To those moms, I send you my truest, most heartfelt wishes that your desires become reality.  Please send yours that I get a job I enjoy and that has a compensation that matches the duties the position requires and the skill and experience I bring to it.

I'm also just trying relax.  A couple days after losing my job, I made a long list of all the projects I could do while unemployed.  I've done a few.  But, I don't want to frantically fill up my time, then start a job and feel exhausted.  Also, I want to take this time to acknowledge that I'm a very different person than when I started my last job three years ago.  I have changed and learned so much.  Rarely have I given myself the time to slow down and take stock of who I am, what I have.  And I'd like to do that.  What are my interests, my passions now that I'm a mother, now that I've done a job, successfully both by my standards and others, that I thought I wouldn't be able to do when I started.  Now that I live in a small, rural community.  Now that I'm 33 years old. 

I've been asked by many how I'm doing and I answer them truthfully - pretty darn good.

(With that said, if any of you have piles of cash just lying around, looking for a home, I will gladly take those orphaned dollars in.)