Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Chchchchchanges

So, it's also been an epic month for me.  As many of you know, I lost my job.  It was dramatic and sad and not unexpected and sudden.  I don't really feel like going into the details of it all again.  It's been 2 and a half weeks since it happened, and I'm focused on moving on.  One, because I have a tendency to dwell on things (thank you, OCD) and make myself and those around me miserable.  Two, so far, the change has been a good thing and I want it to keep being a good thing.  Three, summer is arriving, with all it's sun, warmth and blossoms - I just don't have the motivation to be bitter.

So far, I've applied for 22 jobs.  I had an interview yesterday.  I'm collecting unemployment.  J and I are trying to figure out how to make ends meet - a tricky but not impossible task.

I'm also trying to just enjoy.  Because, again, I'm funemployed (as I try to refer to it) during the best time of the year!  Plus, I can stay in my pjs all day, if I want.  I can watch endless hours of Bones, go for long walks with Bella, make coasters and read.  What I haven't done is pulled Aggie out of daycare.  One, she loves, loves, loves it.  Two, I am not a stay at home mom - it's not part of my biological make-up.  Three, finding infant care is difficult, so if we give up our spot and I then get a job, we'll be in a bind.  Four, honestly, I dread spending all day, every day with my child.  A couple days a week, not back to back, plus the weekend - doable.  Anything more, Aggie and I might both develop twitches.

Can you tell I'm a wee bit defensive about this?  I am because I've been asked about it.  And I know there are many moms who would love to be in my position to have so much time to spend with their babies.  To those moms, I send you my truest, most heartfelt wishes that your desires become reality.  Please send yours that I get a job I enjoy and that has a compensation that matches the duties the position requires and the skill and experience I bring to it.

I'm also just trying relax.  A couple days after losing my job, I made a long list of all the projects I could do while unemployed.  I've done a few.  But, I don't want to frantically fill up my time, then start a job and feel exhausted.  Also, I want to take this time to acknowledge that I'm a very different person than when I started my last job three years ago.  I have changed and learned so much.  Rarely have I given myself the time to slow down and take stock of who I am, what I have.  And I'd like to do that.  What are my interests, my passions now that I'm a mother, now that I've done a job, successfully both by my standards and others, that I thought I wouldn't be able to do when I started.  Now that I live in a small, rural community.  Now that I'm 33 years old. 

I've been asked by many how I'm doing and I answer them truthfully - pretty darn good.

(With that said, if any of you have piles of cash just lying around, looking for a home, I will gladly take those orphaned dollars in.)

4 comments:

heathre said...

fingers and toes crossed for finding the perfect new job. and until then, give yourself permission to relax and have some cora time. you deserve it. xoxo

liv said...

i hear you sister, both about being a fulltime at home mom and being unemployed. as stressful as the financial side of it was, it was sure nice to have some time off last year. i got to work on the burnout factor and enjoy my time. in fact, looking back now, i wish i would have chilled out a little bit more. i was so crazed at finding a job and the wedding planning.

so in short - sending you lots of love, energy and time to enjoy this summer. also, manifesting the perfect job into the universe for you! love you friend. xo.

sunnywave said...

crossing fingers for you cora! you are incredibly smart and talented--and it's such an intelligent move to re-charge before the next adventure. xoxox

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