So, it's also been an epic month for me. As many of you know, I lost my job. It was dramatic and sad and not unexpected and sudden. I don't really feel like going into the details of it all again. It's been 2 and a half weeks since it happened, and I'm focused on moving on. One, because I have a tendency to dwell on things (thank you, OCD) and make myself and those around me miserable. Two, so far, the change has been a good thing and I want it to keep being a good thing. Three, summer is arriving, with all it's sun, warmth and blossoms - I just don't have the motivation to be bitter.
So far, I've applied for 22 jobs. I had an interview yesterday. I'm collecting unemployment. J and I are trying to figure out how to make ends meet - a tricky but not impossible task.
I'm also trying to just enjoy. Because, again, I'm funemployed (as I try to refer to it) during the best time of the year! Plus, I can stay in my pjs all day, if I want. I can watch endless hours of Bones, go for long walks with Bella, make coasters and read. What I haven't done is pulled Aggie out of daycare. One, she loves, loves, loves it. Two, I am not a stay at home mom - it's not part of my biological make-up. Three, finding infant care is difficult, so if we give up our spot and I then get a job, we'll be in a bind. Four, honestly, I dread spending all day, every day with my child. A couple days a week, not back to back, plus the weekend - doable. Anything more, Aggie and I might both develop twitches.
Can you tell I'm a wee bit defensive about this? I am because I've been asked about it. And I know there are many moms who would love to be in my position to have so much time to spend with their babies. To those moms, I send you my truest, most heartfelt wishes that your desires become reality. Please send yours that I get a job I enjoy and that has a compensation that matches the duties the position requires and the skill and experience I bring to it.
I'm also just trying relax. A couple days after losing my job, I made a long list of all the projects I could do while unemployed. I've done a few. But, I don't want to frantically fill up my time, then start a job and feel exhausted. Also, I want to take this time to acknowledge that I'm a very different person than when I started my last job three years ago. I have changed and learned so much. Rarely have I given myself the time to slow down and take stock of who I am, what I have. And I'd like to do that. What are my interests, my passions now that I'm a mother, now that I've done a job, successfully both by my standards and others, that I thought I wouldn't be able to do when I started. Now that I live in a small, rural community. Now that I'm 33 years old.
I've been asked by many how I'm doing and I answer them truthfully - pretty darn good.
(With that said, if any of you have piles of cash just lying around, looking for a home, I will gladly take those orphaned dollars in.)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
7 months
What an epic month this has been. Little girl is now a sitting super star. She's so good, she can catch her big orange ball with her feet and hold it up over her head (with her hands). She can bend over at the waist, touch the ground with her nose and sit back up. She can kick and kick and not wobble. I'm in awe of her talents.
She has two teeth, smack dab center bottom, that are sharp! She likes to explore them with her tongue and use them to gnaw at the fleshy parts of my fingers.
She now weighs more than 18 lbs and is 27 inches long. The very same as my friend's 4 month old baby boy.
She can wave, though does not yet really use it as a greeting or farewell - she just likes flapping her hand.
Her new favorite phrase is "Dadadadadadadadada." And she loves it when it's repeated back to her.
She slept through the entire night for the first time. She wakes up with big smiles in the morning, so happy to see me.
We celebrated our first Mother's Day together by going to her first livestock show. She loved the pigs and the auctioneer the best, demonstrating it by jerking her body back and forth and wildly kicking her legs. She petted bunnies through their cages.
She still loves day care - all the big kids shout out her name when she comes through the door and she rewards them with one of her giant, beaming smiles.
She loves going on walks, in her stroller. Being outside is heaven for her.
She likes standing now. Rolling over is still no fun because it lands her on her tummy.
I can't believe she's already 7 months old.
Picture of the month:
She has two teeth, smack dab center bottom, that are sharp! She likes to explore them with her tongue and use them to gnaw at the fleshy parts of my fingers.
She now weighs more than 18 lbs and is 27 inches long. The very same as my friend's 4 month old baby boy.
She can wave, though does not yet really use it as a greeting or farewell - she just likes flapping her hand.
Her new favorite phrase is "Dadadadadadadadada." And she loves it when it's repeated back to her.
She slept through the entire night for the first time. She wakes up with big smiles in the morning, so happy to see me.
We celebrated our first Mother's Day together by going to her first livestock show. She loved the pigs and the auctioneer the best, demonstrating it by jerking her body back and forth and wildly kicking her legs. She petted bunnies through their cages.
She still loves day care - all the big kids shout out her name when she comes through the door and she rewards them with one of her giant, beaming smiles.
She loves going on walks, in her stroller. Being outside is heaven for her.
She likes standing now. Rolling over is still no fun because it lands her on her tummy.
I can't believe she's already 7 months old.
Picture of the month:
Monday, April 12, 2010
6 months
Where to start? I feel like it's been months since my last post - not just one month. In the past month, Aggie has really blossomed. I think it's the combination of her age and the developmental growth she's undergoing (nature) and her new day care (nurture). Her day care plays no small role - they are fantastic. When I drop her off in the morning, the older kids (ages 3 to 5ish) generally say "Hi, Aggie!" She always has a great big smile for the ladies in the baby room. She's a social girl getting her full daily dose of socialization and we're all the better for it.
She can now sit up all by herself. She loves to eat solids, and prefers vegetables - squash is her fave - and would rather not eat fruit (so the opposite of me). She really enjoys being outside, even if it is cold or windy, she doesn't fuss. She made her first trip to the coast - Neskowin, Oregon - and saw but didn't get to touch the ocean.
Today, Aggie and I did our first full-on playing. In the past, she's been too fragile, or I've worried she was too fragile, but today we bounced and rocked and hugged and giggled - it was so wonderful. I really feel like we're becoming pals and becoming mother and daughter.
I feel like I've lost my words - that I can't put into written language what I'm feeling and experiencing. Part of that is 'baby brain.' I get half way through a sentence and completely forget my train of thought. Words evaporate just as I'm about to utter them, or stumble and bump out my mouth. This used to happen on occasion, but now it happens with embarrassingly regularity. A co-worker said she's finally coming out of her baby fog - 7 years after her last child was born. Though, she has three children - perhaps it won't take me quite as long.
Another part is the continued sleep deprivation. Aggie still wakes up a couple times a night to eat - 6 oz. or more - and though she goes to sleep right after eating, it's still sleep cycle jarring.
A third part is the love. For me, loving a child is very different than anyone else I've ever loved, including pets. I have loved a child before - Christopher, a family friend's son, who was born when I was 10. So, it's not that Aggie is my child, but that she is a child. Loving infants - you see how beneficial love is, how it is as vital as food and sleep. And you feel it, because they return it, but not deliberately - they are just sharing what they are receiving.
Pic of the month (with cute-pie, Ailie):
She can now sit up all by herself. She loves to eat solids, and prefers vegetables - squash is her fave - and would rather not eat fruit (so the opposite of me). She really enjoys being outside, even if it is cold or windy, she doesn't fuss. She made her first trip to the coast - Neskowin, Oregon - and saw but didn't get to touch the ocean.
Today, Aggie and I did our first full-on playing. In the past, she's been too fragile, or I've worried she was too fragile, but today we bounced and rocked and hugged and giggled - it was so wonderful. I really feel like we're becoming pals and becoming mother and daughter.
I feel like I've lost my words - that I can't put into written language what I'm feeling and experiencing. Part of that is 'baby brain.' I get half way through a sentence and completely forget my train of thought. Words evaporate just as I'm about to utter them, or stumble and bump out my mouth. This used to happen on occasion, but now it happens with embarrassingly regularity. A co-worker said she's finally coming out of her baby fog - 7 years after her last child was born. Though, she has three children - perhaps it won't take me quite as long.
Another part is the continued sleep deprivation. Aggie still wakes up a couple times a night to eat - 6 oz. or more - and though she goes to sleep right after eating, it's still sleep cycle jarring.
A third part is the love. For me, loving a child is very different than anyone else I've ever loved, including pets. I have loved a child before - Christopher, a family friend's son, who was born when I was 10. So, it's not that Aggie is my child, but that she is a child. Loving infants - you see how beneficial love is, how it is as vital as food and sleep. And you feel it, because they return it, but not deliberately - they are just sharing what they are receiving.
Pic of the month (with cute-pie, Ailie):
Friday, March 12, 2010
5 Months
The day care crisis is over! Aggie started this week at a day care center that has other babies, older kids and multiple care providers. And she loves it! I dropped her off today and she was all smiles. And the program is bilingual - English/Spanish. And crazy affordable. We hit the day care jackpot. So, all the drama and stress worked out for the best - just like y'all said it would.
Aggie also started eating solids. She loves her fruits and veggies, just so, so on the rice cereal.
She had a check-up and weighed in at close to 16 lbs! She has sumo wrestler thighs. And she's now 25 inches long.
The stress of motherhood is getting better, partly because she's been in a better mood. And having found a great day care - my gut was right - and it's nice to have that positive reassurance.
Also, hearing y'alls feedback and support was enormously helpful. Thank you.
Today I played hooky from momhood. I've been working a schedule that allows me to take every other Friday off. Instead of keeping Aggie at home with me, I dropped her off at day care and had a me day. I took Bella to the park, did a fun project, exercised and went to a move (Alice in Wonderland). And when I got home, I kissed her silly.
Pic of the month (that's her with her Grandma, laughing at her Grandpa):
Aggie also started eating solids. She loves her fruits and veggies, just so, so on the rice cereal.
She had a check-up and weighed in at close to 16 lbs! She has sumo wrestler thighs. And she's now 25 inches long.
The stress of motherhood is getting better, partly because she's been in a better mood. And having found a great day care - my gut was right - and it's nice to have that positive reassurance.
Also, hearing y'alls feedback and support was enormously helpful. Thank you.
Today I played hooky from momhood. I've been working a schedule that allows me to take every other Friday off. Instead of keeping Aggie at home with me, I dropped her off at day care and had a me day. I took Bella to the park, did a fun project, exercised and went to a move (Alice in Wonderland). And when I got home, I kissed her silly.
Pic of the month (that's her with her Grandma, laughing at her Grandpa):
Friday, February 19, 2010
Being Brave
I was inspired by the fabulous Nanimal and her post HERE to practice some truth telling. I am always so grateful when people share their struggles and warts - so I'm going to return the favor and hopefully get a little help myself.
Being a parent is hard. Despite the fact that eleventy-billion people have done it before and will do it in the future, it's still hard. I think I've been trying to convince myself it's not because I don't like struggling with things. I either get them after a couple of attempts or a I quit. But that's not really an option with parenthood - well, it is, but not one I'm ready or willing to take.
Yesterday, our baby-sitter wrote Jason and I a letter stating that she couldn't continue to care for Aggie because Aggie screams a lot and demands a lot of her time. She is 8 months pregnant and has a 2 year old. I very much understand and saw this coming. It is causing a little chaos right now but nothing too big - we've got some stop-gap measures in place, so we're not running around desperately trying to find a new sitter.
For the most part, this has played out smoothly and maturely and I fully expect to remain friendly with the sitter. Since we live in a small town, this is important, especially since 1) she's from here; 2) a lot of her family lives here; and 3) she and her parents bank where Jason works. Plus, it's not really anyone's fault this hasn't worked out - she and Aggie just aren't a match.
But there have been two things I've been struggling with - first, admitting that Aggie is indeed a fussy baby. Why that is so hard for me to admit, I don't know, but she is and we're going to have to be honest about it with the next sitter so s/he can be honest with us about being able to care for her. Little girl does not like to take her afternoon nap and fights it hard; she doesn't like to be left alone or feel that she's being ignored; and she gives you about a five minute heads-up period that she's not happy about something - after that, she lets you know in no uncertain terms that things must be fixed now. The first couple of months with Aggie, I really struggled with the last issue - I kept trying to make her fit to my schedule and my desires. Thankfully, I realized we'd both continue being miserable until I learned to work on her schedule. Now, things are good - she gives me the warnings, I work to meet her demands and very rarely does she fly into a rage. But, if someone isn't willing to do that with her, then Aggie will make them pay - and boy, has she made her sitter pay - and they are both miserable for it.
The second struggle was in the letter from Aggie's sitter, she seemed to infer that Jason and I do not take Aggie's health seriously. She thinks something is physically wrong with Aggie. Every time she has mentioned something, we have looked it up, called the on-call nurse or taken her into the doctor. We (including the medical professionals) are just not seeing it. Yes, she's often congested (just like her parents are), she has weepy eyes, she spits up a lot and she's fussy. Doctors are not perfect and can miss things. But my gut tells me that nothing is wrong - she's just a baby and probably a baby with mild dust allergies. Her inference (and Jason agrees with my interpretation) felt like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. And really let me know that we needed to end our relationship with her right away.
So yeah. There you are.
Hi, my name is Cora and I'm the mother of a fussy baby who drove her sitter to quit.
P.S. Aggie gave me a sympathy laugh today - we'd been playing peekaboo and I kept at it too long, but she kept politely chuckling, long after she was done being amused. I think her dad had a talk with her about humoring her mother.
Being a parent is hard. Despite the fact that eleventy-billion people have done it before and will do it in the future, it's still hard. I think I've been trying to convince myself it's not because I don't like struggling with things. I either get them after a couple of attempts or a I quit. But that's not really an option with parenthood - well, it is, but not one I'm ready or willing to take.
Yesterday, our baby-sitter wrote Jason and I a letter stating that she couldn't continue to care for Aggie because Aggie screams a lot and demands a lot of her time. She is 8 months pregnant and has a 2 year old. I very much understand and saw this coming. It is causing a little chaos right now but nothing too big - we've got some stop-gap measures in place, so we're not running around desperately trying to find a new sitter.
For the most part, this has played out smoothly and maturely and I fully expect to remain friendly with the sitter. Since we live in a small town, this is important, especially since 1) she's from here; 2) a lot of her family lives here; and 3) she and her parents bank where Jason works. Plus, it's not really anyone's fault this hasn't worked out - she and Aggie just aren't a match.
But there have been two things I've been struggling with - first, admitting that Aggie is indeed a fussy baby. Why that is so hard for me to admit, I don't know, but she is and we're going to have to be honest about it with the next sitter so s/he can be honest with us about being able to care for her. Little girl does not like to take her afternoon nap and fights it hard; she doesn't like to be left alone or feel that she's being ignored; and she gives you about a five minute heads-up period that she's not happy about something - after that, she lets you know in no uncertain terms that things must be fixed now. The first couple of months with Aggie, I really struggled with the last issue - I kept trying to make her fit to my schedule and my desires. Thankfully, I realized we'd both continue being miserable until I learned to work on her schedule. Now, things are good - she gives me the warnings, I work to meet her demands and very rarely does she fly into a rage. But, if someone isn't willing to do that with her, then Aggie will make them pay - and boy, has she made her sitter pay - and they are both miserable for it.
The second struggle was in the letter from Aggie's sitter, she seemed to infer that Jason and I do not take Aggie's health seriously. She thinks something is physically wrong with Aggie. Every time she has mentioned something, we have looked it up, called the on-call nurse or taken her into the doctor. We (including the medical professionals) are just not seeing it. Yes, she's often congested (just like her parents are), she has weepy eyes, she spits up a lot and she's fussy. Doctors are not perfect and can miss things. But my gut tells me that nothing is wrong - she's just a baby and probably a baby with mild dust allergies. Her inference (and Jason agrees with my interpretation) felt like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. And really let me know that we needed to end our relationship with her right away.
So yeah. There you are.
Hi, my name is Cora and I'm the mother of a fussy baby who drove her sitter to quit.
P.S. Aggie gave me a sympathy laugh today - we'd been playing peekaboo and I kept at it too long, but she kept politely chuckling, long after she was done being amused. I think her dad had a talk with her about humoring her mother.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)