Month 3

As I sit writing this, Aggie lies next to me in her rocking chair, deciding whether or not to fuss or smile. Adorable one second, howling angry the next - that's been her state the past week. The ABBA playing seems to be helping.

Highlights of the past month - she laughed, twice. She likes to "read" along during story time. She's started noticing the dog. She likes television programs that show the ocean. She's starting to figure out that her two hands can work together. She has the sweetest smiles, esp. after she wakes up. She does not like to be introduced to too many new people at one time - two or three are her max. She tries to warn us when she's going to spit-up by cooing but we never have a clue. She looks amazed when we sing along to songs - like, "how do you do that?!?"

A friend asked me if I've had moments of regret over having a baby, and I don't regret it at all. I sometimes feel like Aggie deserves a better mom - someone more adept, less lazy, more energy. But, for the most part, I enjoy the process - the struggle, the loving moments, the moments of complete ineptitude. And I really enjoy her - thinking of a world without her and without her wonderful smile makes me sad, not just as her mom, but as a member of the human race. I feel the world really needs her smile.

In the past month, I think I've been more focused on my relationship with Jason than being a mom. And it needed that focus. We were able to work out some major sources of tension and frustration and get Jason through another minor medical emergency. We're now in a great spot - really supporting and appreciating each other. Which is especially important, since Aggie has been more on edge the past week.

Her first Christmas and New Years were really non-events. We spent Christmas at home, just the five of us, and didn't actually get her any gifts (though we did have a couple from others to open). New Years was celebrated at a friend's house and Aggie was asleep by 9 pm.

Aggie had her hearing test and passed; the doctor said her hearing was "fine," not great but she's definitely hearing in both ears (better in the right than the left). She also had another check-up - she was 11 lbs, 6 oz and 22 inches. She's not stellar on the charts or anything, but doing just fine.

Really, that's how's we're doing - just fine. And I'll take that, given that we had many reasons to sink below fine, but we've kept our heads above water and have carried on. Sometimes just surviving is enough, right?

Pic of the month: