18 Weeks = 5 Months

I love pregnancy math - it's kind of like new math.  You used to think 20 weeks was 5 months, but no, in pregnancy it's 18.

So, still getting over my cold which might be allergies.  Or not.  Lots and lots of coughing.  So tired of the coughing.  At least snot has stopped coming out my eye.  Yes, you read that right, and yes, that's really gross.  But what the hey?!?  Snot.  Out of my eye.  As you can guess, I have not focused much on the fact that a being the size of a watermelon will be coming out of my cervix five months from now.  Right now, the snot out of my eye is all I can handle.

Other than that, been feeling all right.  Sometimes my lower abdomen gets a little sore.  Still haven't felt the baby move - or I have but thought it was gas.  Thankfully, the massive gas attacks have held off while I've been dealing with my coughing and sneezing.  My body can be nice like that.

I had a great birthday celebration this past weekend.  My dear friends, Heather, Sarah, Maralea and Sid, came to visit, bringing with them a delicious Vegan cake that I am still eating on.  Oh yes, and they brought their sparkling personalities and much patience for my crabby, snotty, coughing self.  And Jason was a trooper, picking up the slack when I felt like absolute crap.

It's still two weeks until the Ultrasound and I'm anxious.  Not because I'm dying to find out the sex, but because I want to make sure the baby is still in there.  Where it would have gone without me knowing, I don't know.  But I'm a worrier, so I worry.  It's a lot of pressure, carrying a baby.  So far, the baby seems to be doing just fine on it's own and so is my body, without much assistance from my mental self.  But I have a hard time trusting that.  I wish I could have an Ultrasound once a week, though that would probably just make me want one once a day.  Can you imagine after the child's born?  It's a lot to take in.  

Plus, I just finished reading Heather Armstrong's (aka dooce) new book, It Sucked & Then I Cried (thanks, Heathy!).  It's about how she got pregnant and started in a down word, depressive spiral (is there an upward moving depressive spiral?) and how she rose out of it again.  Great book.  But, I could see myself in the descriptions of her depression and I'm scared. I really don't want to go back to my dark place - with or without a baby, but especially not with a baby.  I am still taking my meds, though sometimes my hormones override them.  I have a great doctor I can call anytime.  I'm just afraid.  Last week, while prepping the house for our guests, I started down the OCD road and didn't realize it at first.  Once I did realize it, I turned myself around and got off that path.  Which is great.  Yay for me!  I guess I'd just hoped that path had been erased and was no longer an option.  I just hope I can keep realizing it before I tumble over the cliff.

Okay, enough navel gazing - which is getting easier with each passing week of pregnancy.  I'm off to read and to try not to cough.

Thanks for reading.