Giving in

Wow.  Who knew visiting someone in a hospital could be so freaking exhausting?  And draining.  J's okay - a little better but still not sleeping.  He's got a lot of anxiety, worrying over his IV, any little pains or changes in his body, making sure the fluid in his body stays centered around his kidneys and liver so it will process out.  He's also worried about dying.  That worry, I think, is the sleep deprivation talking.  Before leaving tonight, I convinced him to take an anti-anxiety med his doctor had suggested.  I'm hoping it will calm him down enough to sleep.  Lord knows he's got enough fatigue to carry him to slumberland, if he would just let it.

It's funny, I've read blogs of those with loved ones in the hospital and always wondered how they could find the time to blog.  Now I understand - you make time to do it.  You gotta clear out some of the stress.  

The giving in part - I called my mom at 10:30 pm and asked her to come.  More than anything, I need a big, big hug.  It's been about a week since I've hugged anyone.  And I want to lay my head in her lap and have her comb through my hair and stroke my eyebrows.  That sounds way more relaxing than any massage.

Most of the time, I feel numb or panicked or tired.

J's parents come Sunday.  I'm not thrilled by the prospect, but it's what he wants and they've agreed to stay in a hotel.  I love them.  They're good peeps.  But right now, I just don't need to add their worry to J's hospital room.  Does that make sense?  But, I'll have my mom, and that should help.

Okay, am I totally horrible that I want to sneak away and buy these sandals from Payless?  New shoes would help all of us, right?